Dating While Unemployed
Without a doubt, the number one thing that women expect when meeting someone is gainful employment. If you find yourself in a position where a woman wants to get to know you better, but you happen to be out of work, the best thing to do is to own up to your current situation. It is also important to put a positive spin on things. With that said, don’t embellish or make excuses. That will only make matters worse. Tell her that you are currently exploring your options and want to be sure that the next position you take is one that challenges, motivates, and satisfies you. Having a plan is always attractive, so be sure to let her know what you are doing to secure your next opportunity, whether it’s going back to school, tapping into your network, working with a recruiter, or going into another line of work altogether. Just remember, above all else, to be honest and to be confident.
Approaching Women
Many guys find that they can approach girls when they are in a group setting, but that when they are flying solo they have trouble going up to talk to them. Here are a few tips to keep in mind when you’re getting ready to approach someone of interest: Don’t catch them off guard or seem like you’re stalking them; Make eye contact, but don’t stare; Smile and project confidence.
Once you both have recognized each other’s presence, it’s time to make your approach. Casually close the gap between the two of you and get within chatting distance. In the words of my old high school football coach, “use the KISS method: Keep It Simple, Stupid!” Don’t try to appear too witty and don’t be pushy. Open with a simple question in the context of the surroundings – “Excuse me, do you happen to know the bartender’s name? I can’t seem to get his attention,” or something along those lines. Ask questions that aren’t easily Google-able, and that won’t seem too out of the blue.
If she engages, introduce yourself, pay her a compliment, and assume she’s unavailable – “I’m sorry, I should introduce myself. And you are? You seem like a great catch, is your husband or boyfriend going to appear any second?” If she tells you she’s available, it should be smooth sailing. If she confirms your assumption that she’s spoken for already, tell her, “Well, he’s obviously a lucky guy. Have a great night.” And get out of there.
Also keep in mind that pickup lines rarely work. And, as always, it’s important to be confident. If you feel awkward, she will definitely feel awkward.
Dating Someone Who Is Recently Divorced
Someone recently asked me a question on this subject, so I think it would be worth sharing it here with my response.
Hey Steve,
I’m dating a woman that I care about, but I found out she got a divorce two months ago. Am I her rebound? It seems too quick for her to be dating already.
You can’t rush to judgment. Without knowing the circumstances, it’s hard to say. You must consider a few things: Did she decide to end it? Did he? Was someone unfaithful? Did they grow apart? Could it be all of the above?
You must be sure to let her know how you feel. Tell her that you really care about her, and that you want her to do what’s best for her own well-being. If you’re ready to be in a relationship and she isn’t, or vice versa, it’s important for each of you to know where the other stands. Respect her privacy, her space, her time, and her boundaries. Showing your appreciation for these things will only help.
Most men and women I know who have ever been married actually enjoyed it. Whether they enjoyed their spouse, however, is another issue. The point is that she might prefer to be with someone than without someone. She may want the time and space to rediscover herself, or she may prefer the closeness and companionship that comes with a relationship. The only way to find these things out for sure is to discuss your hopes, your fears, your thoughts, and your feelings. The things you want to happen won’t just happen on their own.