5 Tips to Online and Mobile Dating Apps

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My career in matchmaking and dating predates social media. I was bringing love into peoples’ lives before MySpace was a household name and before Zuckerberg launched Facebook. Online dating however, has been around since the chat room. I can remember as far back as 1993 when AOL personals replaced the classified ads that lonely hearts would place in the back of their regional magazine.

Although digital dating has evolved in the last twenty years, many of the perils and pitfalls remain the same. Here are some tips to make sure you’re not wasting your time online or setting yourself up for disappointment in person.


Speak before you meet. When you connect with someone through a nifty hookup app like Tinder or a dense online matchmaking site like Eharmony, you must make sure you have some sort of connection before bothering to meet in person. After messaging until your heart’s content, arrange to speak to one another before setting up a date. In today’s day and age, you have nothing to lose by giving your number out to someone you met online.

Do your homework. When you get the chance to speak with someone you met online, go on a fact-finding mission before you get together in person. You should know where they grew up, where they went to high school, when they graduated, where they attended college (if applicable) and where they now work before you plan to meet. If you get a home address and date of birth you can actually perform your own criminal background check of them online. This usually isn’t necessary if you have references so find out if you know any of the same people before you become friends on Facebook.

Meet in broad daylight. Whenever you get together with someone in person for the first time, and you’ve already met online, you never really know what you’re going to get. That’s why I always suggest meeting during the day and allotting only an hour or so of time. If its known in advance that you’d like to get together just to get acquainted and you end the meeting on a high note, both of you will have something to look forward to when you go on an actual date. If it’s a mismatch however, you aren’t trapped in dire straits.

Keep the texting to a minimum. Text messaging is asynchronous. When you get into the habit of texting someone too soon you may find yourself anxiously awaiting acknowledgement, engagement or a response. Although many people nowadays loathe the telephone conversation I still suggest placing a phone call and leaving a voicemail at least to express your gratitude, interest, or desire to see someone. Text messaging should only be used to convey messages you do not expect the receiver to reply to.

Always be gracious. Whether this mystery match turns out to be good, bad, or ugly, the number one thing you can do is be as gracious as possible. Word of mouth is now viral thanks to social media. And there are even apps now designed to warn women about scandalous men online. Lulu and DontDateHimGirl are just a couple products that come to mind. Your hope should be that afterwards this person you met would have something positive to say on your behalf.

Use common sense, follow this simple advice, and you may avoid a lot of wasted time and disappointment with dating online. If you’d rather save yourself the trouble, and spare yourself surprises, you could always hire my team and I to do the work for you. Just complete our ‘Getting Started’ form to be contacted.

 

Marijuana and Matchmaking

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I’m currently coaching two separate women with the same problem. One lives in Denver, CO. The other lives in Seattle, WA. As they’re both out and about looking to meet their match, they keep running into the same thing…“potheads”. With marijuana recreationally legal in both states the deal-breaking question, “do you smoke” now has an almost instantly canned response…”smoke what?” I ask my clients in states where marijuana is recreationally legal if they’re open to dating cigarette smokers and/or marijuana users and I’m often amazed at the response.

Some objectors I’ve found (mostly those over 35) think marijuana is as dangerous as it was made out to be in the 1936 propaganda film, “Reefer Madness”, where audiences are led to believe that smoking pot can lead to catastrophic consequences like suicide, rape, manslaughter, etc.

Cannabis is now controlled and regulated either medicinally or recreationally in 21 states (including DC).  And, it is more socially acceptable than ever. According to a recent survey by Gallup, “support for legalization (of marijuana) is at 62 percent among adults under 30, 56 percent among those aged 30 to 49, 49 percent among those aged 50 to 64, but only 31 percent among those over 65.”

Marijuana is far less dangerous than alcohol, cigarettes and many pharmaceutical drugs. It’s incontrovertible. It is far less addictive and much less harmful to your health than other regulated substances bought and sold over the counter. Research has shown the overall addiction potential for cannabis to be less than what it is for caffeine, tobacco, alcohol, cocaine or heroin.

There are little to no known cases of death by marijuana overdose either, nor are there any widely accepted links to cancer, heart disease, liver disease, etc.  Give someone a bottle of aspirin though, and they can easily end their life.

Nowadays marijuana can be ingested in the form of “edibles” (cookies, brownies, lollypops, etc.) made with THC-based oils. THC stands for Tetrahydrocannabinol, the main psychoactive element of marijuana. You don’t even have to smoke it to feel the effects anymore.  Many marijuana users “vaporize” it and are inhaling THC-laced water vapor instead of actual smoke.

Is marijuana a “gateway drug”? When people gain access to one controlled substance and experience no perceived consequences it is logical they would expect to have a similar experience with other controlled substances. Individuals inclined to try one thing are most likely inclined to try others.

Ultimately whether you discriminate romantically based on creed, culture, lifestyle, health, habits, religion or way of life is up to you, but don’t let it create a schism as long as no crimes are being committed and there’s no imposition on you.

 

Sex On The First Date

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There have been countless surveys and studies published recently that are supposed to provide insights into love, dating and relationship in the digital age. Recently, famed love doctor Helen Fisher concluded that one out of five singles believe it’s either “somewhat appropriate” or “totally appropriate” to have sex on a first date. You may be one of those four-out-of-five today, but that one-out-of-five tomorrow. The same study concluded that 31% of singles say they have developed a relationship from what they thought was just going to be a one-night stand. So it isn’t always a bust.

Jumping into the sack has almost become a societal norm. It’s certainly a far cry from the taboo it used to be. The risks however are very much the same.

Most singles today date like they’re playing Blackjack. Although you might like to play only one hand at a time, many players play as many hands at time as they can. Any experienced Blackjack player will tell you; how others play their hand should have no bearing on how you play yours. So if you play more than one hand at a time, how you play one hand, should have no bearing on how you play the other. That’s why the dating games should be played more like poker…if you’re playing games at all.

Whether or not you win at the poker totally depends on everyone else’s hand; just like sex. Unless you’re a professional poker player you probably can’t tell your odds. Your health and reputation are two of your most valuable assets and ones you should never gamble with. I’ve learned in life that no matter how lucky you’ve been and no matter how many hands you’ve won, you can’t possibly win ‘em all and all it takes is one bad beat to lose everything you’ve worked for.