Top 5 Reasons Why People Cheat

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I have many clients emotionally scarred from relationships that ended with infidelity, an affair, unfaithfulness, cheating, adultery or whatever you want to call it. Most of the time they struggle to understand why it happened, how it happened and whether or not it could have been avoided. From the perspective of someone who has never cheated, it seems unthinkable. From the perspective of someone who has cheated, it may seem like anything but. Here are the top five reasons why men and women cheat.

5. They are insecure. There are few things in this world more gratifying than being desired by someone. The validation we get from this is hard to match. Often one strays from a relationship because they are anxious and restless in the situation they are in. They require stimulation and constant attention to calm their nerves. Even a terrific partner can be helpless in this situation.

4. They are unsatisfied. Even men and women with a healthy appetite for sex are frequently unsatisfied. Despite their best effort to stay focused and faithful to one person they find themselves wanting more than what they have. They feel deserving of a more-than-adequate sex life and will even stray with no intentions of jeopardizing their relationship just to get enough satisfaction that they need. 

3. They are insatiable. Hypersexual people don’t always meet their match. Even when their partner performs more than they want to this individual is still hungry for sex. Their thirst for sexual gratification can never be quenched and they will be incapable of maintaining a healthy relationship until they are able to deal with their addiction.

2. They are sociopaths. By definition this person lacks a conscience. Even if they may seem capable of empathy, they are merely acting and are always looking out for their own best interests. Sociopaths are master manipulators because they are more deceiving than narcissists. A narcissist may be completely unaware of their inability to feel. They deny remorse or gratitude. Sociopaths can seem to feel bad and can pretend to be grateful or remorseful, but they most certainly are not.

And the number one reason why men or women cheat, is because…

1. They want out. Because cheating is the ultimate show of disrespect and one of the most difficult things to forgive someone for, it is by far the easiest way to end a relationship. What’s there to talk about? Could you have driven them away? Possibly, but what difference does it make? Clearly this person is insecure, unsatisfied, insatiable, or sociopathic. Isn’t it also clear that they whether they want to admit it or not, they want out of the relationship?

Ultimately I beg my clients not to blame themselves. Either you acknowledge that you trusted and respected someone you shouldn’t have, or you accept the fact that they were too insecure or too self-centered to be in a relationship with you or anyone else. What you should never do is blame yourself.

 

Moving from Text to Real-Life Interaction

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Steven Ward nice dateMany people find it difficult to move from text message and social media interactions with people they are interested in into real life interaction and conversation. This is not unusual at all. It seems that these days, many people would rather text than talk. Because of how ubiquitous texting, emailing, and social media updating is in our daily lives, sometimes it can be uncomfortable to vocalize yourself instead. When people get too used to communicating electronically, they seem to forget the basics of conversation. If this has been a problem for you, here are a few important things to keep in mind.

First, remember to not make it about you. Make it about her. You can start with something simple, the subject of her career for example, but don’t dwell on it forever or very soon you will find yourself in the friend zone. After that, ask noninvasive questions. For the most part, women love to talk about their family, their friends, and their pets. If they ask you a question you’re uncomfortable with, just provide a pleasant answer and pivot back to them. Turn the tables and ask something that is easy to answer to change the subject.

Let her do more of the talking. If you catch her fidgeting, slouching, playing on her phone, making less eye contact, or generally looking less comfortable, it means you’re losing her. Find out what she’s passionate about and hone in on it. Do your best to learn as much as you can about what she cares about. Let her go on for as long as she likes, but remember to participate in conversation, too.

Those are a few “Do’s.” Now here are a few “Don’ts.”  Unless you’ve slept with her already, don’t make sexual innuendos. Don’t discuss — or at the very least — don’t dwell on your ex. Don’t debate politics or religion, and, at all costs, don’t be negative.

Vulgar Vigilantes of Tinder & OkCupid

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leadLauren Giordano/The Atlantic

Olga Khazan does a fabulous job of exposing the underbelly of online dating this week in a terrific article for The Atlantic. She writes on the catharsis that women get when they public shame someone who offended them with inappropriate messaging or requests online. Khazan cites a recent PEW Research Study that says of the respondents surveyed who have experienced harassment online, only 6% of them reported that the experience took place while online dating.

Based on what I’ve heard, either harassment in online dating is being grossly underreported in this study, or it is rampant in social networking, the comments section of a website, online gaming, personal email, and online discussion sites such as Reddit.

If someone you just met, or even someone you know crosses the line online, there are things you can do to stop them from contacting you or doing it again. First, take screen shots and document the harassment. Let the person know you’ve done this and that you intend to report them for abuse. Then block them. If they persist by contacting you in other ways you have a full blown criminal complaint on your hands. Posting their misdeeds on your own social media however is not recommended.

Its one thing to be seen as a whistle blower. But when someone who wants to innocently get to know you does a deep dive on Google or Facebook and notices this little exposé of yours, they might think twice about getting close to you. It would be natural for them to assume that you would be quick to share your private life publicly and that would scare anyone.

For this very reason we are building Love Lab®. Our solution to online dating deception and abuse is to create a mobile messaging app that proves the photo, identity and age of interested users. It also performs criminal background checks and allows people to trade disappearing photos and videos to be sure there’s chemistry before they meet.


If you’d like personal coaching or guaranteed matches from Steven Ward and his staff please complete our Getting Started Form. 

To read The Atlantic article, click HERE.

To read the PEW study, click HERE.

Does Texting Lead To Sex Sooner

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This article originally appeared on WorldLifestyle.com.

 

We asked best-selling author and ‘Tough Love’ host Steve Ward why texting is a game-changer when it comes to dating.  This is his explanation of why texting may lead to intimacy sooner than you think:

Texting has taken on an ominous role when it comes to communicating in relationships. Believe it or not though, research suggests it has actually peaked! Not because we’ve grown tired of texting. It’s because people are craving better forms. Instant messaging apps like WhatsApp and SnapChat are taking over and since this mode of communication is here to stay I thought I’d share some best practices with you to avoid dating disasters.

For some people texting allows them to push the envelope because they’re able to say things over text that they might not otherwise be comfortable saying in person. For many people of these people it’s easier to express their thoughts and feelings over text than it is face-to-face.

Texting is an accelerant to emotional and physical intimacy.  When you express your thoughts, feelings and desires over text it actually strengthens the connection between two people just as it would if it were expressed verbally. Mind sharing makes people more comfortable with each other, but it can also make people uncomfortable with each other as well. Studies show, however, that couples who frequently text each other are more likely to jump into bed than those who only use text when necessary.

Texting can be fine and fun, but you might want to consider these few rules of engagement first:

1.    Be as careful about who you sext as you are about who you sleep with. Anyone can take a screenshot and attachments can be saved, altered and shared with or without your permission.

2.    Only sext with protection. If you do feel the need to send a scandalous photo use an ephemeral messaging app that disposes of it automatically.

3.    Address people by their name so they don’t think you’re mass texting.

4.    Never send more than three texts in a row before getting a response.

5.    Don’t text and expect. If you find yourself waiting for a response you will grow anxious and aggravated very quickly.

Texting is flirty and fun but it does not substitute a real face-to-face conversation. Use it sparingly.

Ward will soon launch Love Lab, an agnostic mobile dating app providing credible verification for all dating connections.  According to Ward, the app will be the Swiss army knife for your love life…the peephole to your dating world…the Nev Schulman for your catfishes, Love Lab is the security you need when looking for love.
To receive personal coaching or matchmaking from Steve Ward and his staff please visit http://mastermatchmakers.com/getstarted.