The Secret to a Satisfying Sex Life

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Countless relationships end due to infidelity. Men and women cheat because they are insecure, unsatisfied, insatiable or sociopathic. There’s little accounting for the sex addicts or social deviants of the world, but there is a secret to satisfying those with a healthy appetite for sex, and to keeping them committed over the long run.

Because many couples become physically intimate before they’re emotionally intimate, both people usually operate under a lot of assumptions. All too often sex happens prematurely and it sets the stage for discourse before a relationship ever has a chance to really start. Early on its important to share what’s need to know, but it’s equally as important not to share too much information. Communicating your wants and needs is as essential to the success of a relationship as is having mutual respect and trust. And I think you should want, and need to be exclusive if you want, and need mutual respect and trust. 

Once you’ve agreed to only sleep with each other you will instantly increase your level of intimacy both physically and emotionally. Anxiety is relieved and sexual satisfaction is more likely. But just because you’re sexually exclusive doesn’t mean you’re fully committed. Yes, monogamy is necessary to being committed (in most cases) but a commitment involves much, much more. 

When you make a commitment you are promising to be there for someone through thick and thin. You invite greater expectations to be placed on yourself, not just by your partner, but by others as well. When you’re exclusive you’re merely agreeing not to do things behind the other person’s back and to keep things between the two of you. The exclusive stage is the time you take to focus on opening up and becoming totally intimate with someone. Only after you’ve done that should you dive into a commitment. 

By the time you’ve committed to someone you should have discussed your sexual history and shared all the things that you would only share with your lover. If you had been a victim of abuse or someone had cheated on you in the past, your partner ought to know. If you have a communicable STD your partner ought to know. If you have a fetish or fantasy, your partner ought to know. Over time as couples become more committed and more invested in their relationship they must also become more open and more honest with each other. I would be remiss if I said this is easy. To keep the spark alive you must want to keep the spark alive. You must try to keep it alive and your partner must feel like you are trying. Even if you don’t want to entirely play out their fantasy you can pretend to. Sometimes just giving your partner the thought and feeling that you want to fulfill their fantasy is enough to keep them satisfied over the long run. 

If you would like personal support, direction or guidance in your love life please complete our Getting Started form and one of our client coordinators will contact you.

Moving from Text to Real-Life Interaction

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Steven Ward nice dateMany people find it difficult to move from text message and social media interactions with people they are interested in into real life interaction and conversation. This is not unusual at all. It seems that these days, many people would rather text than talk. Because of how ubiquitous texting, emailing, and social media updating is in our daily lives, sometimes it can be uncomfortable to vocalize yourself instead. When people get too used to communicating electronically, they seem to forget the basics of conversation. If this has been a problem for you, here are a few important things to keep in mind.

First, remember to not make it about you. Make it about her. You can start with something simple, the subject of her career for example, but don’t dwell on it forever or very soon you will find yourself in the friend zone. After that, ask noninvasive questions. For the most part, women love to talk about their family, their friends, and their pets. If they ask you a question you’re uncomfortable with, just provide a pleasant answer and pivot back to them. Turn the tables and ask something that is easy to answer to change the subject.

Let her do more of the talking. If you catch her fidgeting, slouching, playing on her phone, making less eye contact, or generally looking less comfortable, it means you’re losing her. Find out what she’s passionate about and hone in on it. Do your best to learn as much as you can about what she cares about. Let her go on for as long as she likes, but remember to participate in conversation, too.

Those are a few “Do’s.” Now here are a few “Don’ts.”  Unless you’ve slept with her already, don’t make sexual innuendos. Don’t discuss — or at the very least — don’t dwell on your ex. Don’t debate politics or religion, and, at all costs, don’t be negative.

Three Dating Issues

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Steven Ward couple-on-a-dateDating While Unemployed

Without a doubt, the number one thing that women expect when meeting someone is gainful employment.  If you find yourself in a position where a woman wants to get to know you better, but you happen to be out of work, the best thing to do is to own up to your current situation. It is also important to put a positive spin on things.  With that said, don’t embellish or make excuses. That will only make matters worse.  Tell her that you are currently exploring your options and want to be sure that the next position you take is one that challenges, motivates, and satisfies you. Having a plan is always attractive, so be sure to let her know what you are doing to secure your next opportunity, whether it’s going back to school, tapping into your network, working with a recruiter, or going into another line of work altogether.  Just remember, above all else, to be honest and to be confident.

Steven Ward talk-to-womenApproaching Women

Many guys find that they can approach girls when they are in a group setting, but that when they are flying solo they have trouble going up to talk to them.  Here are a few tips to keep in mind when you’re getting ready to approach someone of interest: Don’t catch them off guard or seem like you’re stalking them;  Make eye contact, but don’t stare;  Smile and project confidence.

Once you both have recognized each other’s presence, it’s time to make your approach. Casually close the gap between the two of you and get within chatting distance. In the words of my old high school football coach, “use the KISS method: Keep It Simple, Stupid!” Don’t try to appear too witty and don’t be pushy.  Open with a simple question in the context of the surroundings – “Excuse me, do you happen to know the bartender’s name? I can’t seem to get his attention,” or something along those lines.  Ask questions that aren’t easily Google-able, and that won’t seem too out of the blue.

If she engages, introduce yourself, pay her a compliment, and assume she’s unavailable – “I’m sorry, I should introduce myself.  And you are? You seem like a great catch, is your husband or boyfriend going to appear any second?”  If she tells you she’s available, it should be smooth sailing. If she confirms your assumption that she’s spoken for already, tell her, “Well, he’s obviously a lucky guy. Have a great night.” And get out of there.

Also keep in mind that pickup lines rarely work.  And, as always, it’s important to be confident.  If you feel awkward, she will definitely feel awkward.

Steven Ward Dating-CoupleDating Someone Who Is Recently Divorced

Someone recently asked me a question on this subject, so I think it would be worth sharing it here with my response.

Hey Steve,

I’m dating a woman that I care about, but I found out she got a divorce two months ago. Am I her rebound? It seems too quick for her to be dating already.

You can’t rush to judgment. Without knowing the circumstances, it’s hard to say. You must consider a few things: Did she decide to end it? Did he? Was someone unfaithful? Did they grow apart? Could it be all of the above?

You must be sure to let her know how you feel. Tell her that you really care about her, and that you want her to do what’s best for her own well-being. If you’re ready to be in a relationship and she isn’t, or vice versa, it’s important for each of you to know where the other stands. Respect her privacy, her space, her time, and her boundaries. Showing your appreciation for these things will only help.

Most men and women I know who have ever been married actually enjoyed it. Whether they enjoyed their spouse, however, is another issue. The point is that she might prefer to be with someone than without someone. She may want the time and space to rediscover herself, or she may prefer the closeness and companionship that comes with a relationship. The only way to find these things out for sure is to discuss your hopes, your fears, your thoughts, and your feelings.  The things you want to happen won’t just happen on their own.

Vulgar Vigilantes of Tinder & OkCupid

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leadLauren Giordano/The Atlantic

Olga Khazan does a fabulous job of exposing the underbelly of online dating this week in a terrific article for The Atlantic. She writes on the catharsis that women get when they public shame someone who offended them with inappropriate messaging or requests online. Khazan cites a recent PEW Research Study that says of the respondents surveyed who have experienced harassment online, only 6% of them reported that the experience took place while online dating.

Based on what I’ve heard, either harassment in online dating is being grossly underreported in this study, or it is rampant in social networking, the comments section of a website, online gaming, personal email, and online discussion sites such as Reddit.

If someone you just met, or even someone you know crosses the line online, there are things you can do to stop them from contacting you or doing it again. First, take screen shots and document the harassment. Let the person know you’ve done this and that you intend to report them for abuse. Then block them. If they persist by contacting you in other ways you have a full blown criminal complaint on your hands. Posting their misdeeds on your own social media however is not recommended.

Its one thing to be seen as a whistle blower. But when someone who wants to innocently get to know you does a deep dive on Google or Facebook and notices this little exposé of yours, they might think twice about getting close to you. It would be natural for them to assume that you would be quick to share your private life publicly and that would scare anyone.

For this very reason we are building Love Lab®. Our solution to online dating deception and abuse is to create a mobile messaging app that proves the photo, identity and age of interested users. It also performs criminal background checks and allows people to trade disappearing photos and videos to be sure there’s chemistry before they meet.


If you’d like personal coaching or guaranteed matches from Steven Ward and his staff please complete our Getting Started Form. 

To read The Atlantic article, click HERE.

To read the PEW study, click HERE.

Match Challenges Eharmony Claims

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CBS News is reporting that Match.com has called bullshit on Eharmony.com and enlisted the support of the NAD (National Advertising Division), to publicly condemn them for it. The independent body that looks into advertising claims as part of the industry’s self-regulation has agreed.

As a result, Eharmony has issued a statement saying that they will not refer to its claims they have the “most marriages,” “most satisfied marriages” and “most enduring marriages” than any other dating site as “independent” considering that the two individuals who conducted the study used to work for Eharmony.

The NAD, which is operated by the Council of Better Business Bureaus, determined that the so-called “independent” study was flawed in several ways and could not account for the marriages that have occurred through the host of niche sites owned by Match, a division of IAC.

In our experience as professional matchmakers and personal coaches we have heard tremendous success stories from people who have met through dating sites. However, we have heard many, MANY more horror stories. At Master Matchmakers® we interview and scrutinize everyone we represent and qualify individuals to be matched on a case-by-case basis. Soon we will be launching a mobile product that allows you to prove you’re legit, as well as whoever you meet on your own.

To read the CBS News report click HERE.

To inquire about guaranteed matchmaking and personal coaching, please complete our Get Started Form.