How Effective Is Online Dating

online-dating

Internet dating has taken America by storm. And with almost 125 million singles now living in the US, it doesn’t appear likely to slow down any time soon. At first matchmakers coast-to-coast felt threatened by this new way of meeting people, but as the industry matured it only reinforced the need for trusted intermediaries and experienced professionals.

San Francisco Gate author Amy Gaff reported this week on a recent study conducted by Aditi Paul, a doctoral candidate at Michigan State University’s Department of Communications. Aditi wanted to look at what happens to relationships of people who met online that don’t result in marriage.

She found that couples who meet online are not only less likely to get married, they are more likely to break up. Then she gave three reasons why she thinks online relationships are less successful than relationships formed offline.

1) Online dating has been shown to provide individuals with too many options to choose from that leads to a lack of exclusivity where individuals find it difficult to be locked into one particular dating partner when they know that hundreds of other potential dating partners are available. This also leads to delayed commitment to the person with whom they ultimately choose to date and start a relationship. This is because online daters know that they can easily look for other potential partners from the dating sites or SNS if the current relationship does not work out.

2) Relationships initiated online take more time to develop compared to relationships initiated offline.

3) Online daters have also shown to take more time to develop relationships purposefully in order to increase the level of trust with their partners, given some of the negative stigma associated with online dating. Eighty-six percent of online daters have reported being concerned about falsification of personal information and deceptive self-presentation of their dating partners.

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To read the original San Francisco Gate article, click HERE.

To read the actual research study, click HERE.

Proof That Soul Mates Don’t Exist

According to a recent study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology scientists concluded through a series of experiments that:

• Framing love as perfect unity can hurt relationship satisfaction.

• It hurts relationship satisfaction only in conflicts, not in celebrations.

• This content dependency supports metaphorical framing, not metaphorical transfer.

• Metaphorical framing effects are limited to targets to which frames are applicable.

What does that mean in laymen’s terms? It means that when you fight, and you’re the kind of person who considers someone your “soul mate”, your relationship satisfaction will be negatively impacted much more than if you simply had an idealistic frame of your partnership – you’re two individuals on a parallel path. This makes perfect sense. Why?

If you truly believe in the Myth of Romantic Love you will have a greater crisis of confidence and question your faith whenever a fight occurs. When you frame your partnership more realistically and fight, you’ll simply wonder whether or not this person is right for you. So what are we to do?

A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology concluded, “that satisfaction is associated with idealistic, rather than realistic, perceptions of one’s partner”. In other words, it is imperative to focus on the positive and train yourself to idealize your partner. You must intentionally marginalize their shortcomings. But that doesn’t mean you should turn a blind eye to obvious issues. In this study researchers concluded that people who idealized their spouses when they married (focused primarily on their good qualities) were more likely to still be happy with their partner years later.

In my opinion these two studies suggest how important it is to maintain positivity, optimism and hope. However, considering the relationship preordained can detrimental. Balance your expectations and desires carefully or beware of the consequences.

SBW

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To read the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology study please click HERE.

To read the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology study please click HERE.

To read about The Myth of Romantic Love please click HERE.

The Number One Sign Its Time To End Your Relationship

When I came across this article on LifeHacks that suggested 14 signs that it might be time to end your relationship, I gave each one a lot of careful consideration. As a matchmaker and relationship expert I always ask my clients to look in the mirror first before looking to blame anyone else in sight. 

14. You don’t want the same things in your futures.
13. Nothing you do makes your significant other happy.

12. You constantly feel insecure.
11. You’ve been setting deadlines for your relationship to get better by, and they keep passing.
10. You fight all the time.
9. You cry all the time.
8. Your relationship is negatively impacting other areas of your life.
7. You never see each other.
6. You are flirting with someone else.
5. You don’t trust them.
4. You’re living on a future idea.
3. You find yourself lying.
2. You consistently say, “when X happens, everything will be fine.” In each and all of these situations I would ask you again to look in the mirror and see what your share of the responsibility is. However, when you see the number one sign, it’s time to go!
1. You find you have nothing nice to say about your partner, when you talk about her/ him to your friends or family.