I am engaged to marry an incredible woman. She is strong, independent, and self-assured. She brings out the best in me. As I have been morphing into the future husband I know I can be, I have often stopped and marveled at how different I am from the man I was just two years ago. Moments ago, while we were enjoying our Sunday morning political talk shows, sipping coffee in bed and reminiscing about the night before, I came across this amazing blog in the Huffington Post, “Why Great Husbands Are Being Abandoned”.
Before I pontificate, I want to celebrate the insight and prowess of the HP contributor and applaud her for espousing her thoughts and feelings on the subject. In short, this is a consequence of the feminist movement – and I don’t think it is either a good, or intended one.
As women have been liberated from the household and released into the “man’s world” that they have fought so hard for a place in, they somehow got it into their heads that its their turn to have their cake and eat it too. This new breed of woman who kicks ass and takes names with the best of men around still expects to come home to the “hearth” and have her man be “the man”.
As a dating coach and matchmaker I am constantly telling women (and men) how important it is to have gender roles in relationships. I try to explain that even if you can do it all on your own you have to make your man feel both wanted, and needed. If she expects him to be secure with their relationship he has to feel like she can’t do it all on her own. She can’t do it…without him. And as one of these “androgynous” men I understand that so it goes inversely.
But even as the new world order of women out there continue to earn degrees, land great jobs, start businesses and dominate wherever they roam, they somehow determined that their “ideal match” is their equal. They decided that they want to be with a tall, good looking, well educated, successful, sexy man of the same age. They want this man to only have eyes for them, and to be completely enamored by them. What they want is almost entirely impossible. Those men that I just described who are still single are a rare, rare commodity these days. And they’re usually single because they’re incapable of being in a committed relationship. They are typically looking to date women considerably younger than them with little to no baggage. They want the smart, sophisticated, sexy woman who hasn’t reached their level yet. They want that “hierarchal connection” that this contributor refers to.
So in my opinion, I think these type A women of the world need a reality check and should start looking for the qualities that matter most in a match. They should look for a man who is “respectful, quality, caring, devoted, cherishing, authentic, and supportive” instead of the macho man with a big bank account and even bigger ego. My advice to these women of the world who are winning the wage war is simply this. Who cares if he doesn’t earn as much as you? He doesn’t need to be lighting the world on fire if you’re already doing it for him. He needs to be a partner that you can respect and trust and you need to be the same.
To read the article on Huffington Post, click HERE.
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