Countless relationships end due to infidelity. Men and women cheat because they are insecure, unsatisfied, insatiable or sociopathic. There’s little accounting for the sex addicts or social deviants of the world, but there is a secret to satisfying those with a healthy appetite for sex, and to keeping them committed over the long run.
Because many couples become physically intimate before they’re emotionally intimate, both people usually operate under a lot of assumptions. All too often sex happens prematurely and it sets the stage for discourse before a relationship ever has a chance to really start. Early on its important to share what’s need to know, but it’s equally as important not to share too much information. Communicating your wants and needs is as essential to the success of a relationship as is having mutual respect and trust. And I think you should want, and need to be exclusive if you want, and need mutual respect and trust.
Once you’ve agreed to only sleep with each other you will instantly increase your level of intimacy both physically and emotionally. Anxiety is relieved and sexual satisfaction is more likely. But just because you’re sexually exclusive doesn’t mean you’re fully committed. Yes, monogamy is necessary to being committed (in most cases) but a commitment involves much, much more.
When you make a commitment you are promising to be there for someone through thick and thin. You invite greater expectations to be placed on yourself, not just by your partner, but by others as well. When you’re exclusive you’re merely agreeing not to do things behind the other person’s back and to keep things between the two of you. The exclusive stage is the time you take to focus on opening up and becoming totally intimate with someone. Only after you’ve done that should you dive into a commitment.
By the time you’ve committed to someone you should have discussed your sexual history and shared all the things that you would only share with your lover. If you had been a victim of abuse or someone had cheated on you in the past, your partner ought to know. If you have a communicable STD your partner ought to know. If you have a fetish or fantasy, your partner ought to know. Over time as couples become more committed and more invested in their relationship they must also become more open and more honest with each other. I would be remiss if I said this is easy. To keep the spark alive you must want to keep the spark alive. You must try to keep it alive and your partner must feel like you are trying. Even if you don’t want to entirely play out their fantasy you can pretend to. Sometimes just giving your partner the thought and feeling that you want to fulfill their fantasy is enough to keep them satisfied over the long run.
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